*This trip to Vanaheim took a long time for me to process.  About a month has passed since I went on this journey and even though this trip was very personal, I still feel that I should share my experience.*

I decided late one evening that I should finally take a journey to Vanaheim.  I knew from the accounts of my fellow Catskin Sisters that it was a realm that one did not gain entry to without proper preparation and offerings.  With that in mind, I created a make-shift altar with some candles and a plate of honey, apples, and sweet bread.

After slipping into trance and calling my fylgja to me I decided that I should feed my fylgja (taking a cue from my Sisters).  I fed the Bear some berries and as well as a bit of the essence of the honey on the offering plate.  We briefly explored my cottage home in Midgard, noting that I had an herb garden growing along the sides of the house as well as an orchard in the backyard filled with apple trees and pear trees.  Pine trees surround the clearing in which my home stands.  I also noticed some deer darting in and around the edge of the clearing.

After explaining to my fylgja where I wished to go, we were then off and running.  I was seated astride the Bear as we traveled up the trunk of the World Tree aiming toward a wide left branch that became a road.  The sunlight filtered through the green leaves of the Tree and created pools of light along our path.  Since I did not notice any entrances into Vanaheim along the way, I decided that we should stop and try to figure out what was missing–what I wasn’t understanding.  I know from past experiences that if one states their intentions aloud it sometimes helps to facilitate a change or manifestation.  I announced that I wished to go to Vanaheim and began to focus on the Ingwaz rune.  It appeared before me on the road, hovering in the air, shimmering and golden.  I knew that it was meant to act as a door but I felt disconnected from it–didn’t know how to use it.  I grasped out at the rune with my energy, not specifying how I wished to connect with it (I have a habit of *doing* before *thinking*…).  Before I knew what was happening, I felt my womb’s blood flowing out from me as a thin ribbon of energy, linking into one half of the rune.  Simultaneously, my mouth fell open and saliva formed a second energy line into the other half of the rune.  The two strands met, and the center of Ingwaz became a portal, a door into Vanaheim.  This door stretched wide enough to encompass both myself and the Bear and we were able to squeeze through.

Once firmly in Vanaheim, I noticed the rolling hills of golden grain that rippled in the slight breeze.  I can see the rosy rays of the setting sun illuminating the sea beyond.  In the distance, there is a village with a great hall and an impressive forest extending all around this area.  I am able to see the World Tree rising in the background with its huge branches stretching up into the sky.  The Bear and I appear to be alone.  We wander around in the fields looking for signs of other inhabitants.  I state aloud that I have brought a token of friendship and that I would like to talk to someone if they have the time.  A strange tiredness comes over me and the grain suddenly looks like a comfortable place to stop and take a nap in.  I decide to bed down and sleep for a bit.

I awake, startled, to see a male face peering over me.  I quickly get up and take stock of my surroundings.  The man before me is beautiful and golden with flowing hair the color of wheat and a slight beard.   He smiles.  I realize that it is Frey.  I am dumbstruck and stammer at him, trying to offer the apples and honey that I brought with me.  He smiles at the gesture (I realize now how patient he was with me).  He motions with his arm that we should walk together.  He is silent.  I notice that I am becoming increasingly attracted to him and am appalled that I am making a fool of myself.  Half-apologizing, half-alarmed, I ask why this is happening.  Frey alludes to the way in which I created my door into Vanaheim…the tone I set by doing so is tingeing this visit.  We continue to walk toward the sea.

As I start to climb down toward the shore, I turn around to notice that Frey did not follow me.  At the edge of the field, his image became less distinct.  Panicked, I quickly climb back up, but he is gone.  I call for my Bear since I feel that maybe it is time to leave.  As I start to go, I look down in horror to see that I am hemorrhaging blood from my womb.  I dismount, and stagger around.  Blood is everywhere–in the Bear’s fur, on my clothes, my hands.  Blood is rushing into the soil and soaking into the land.  I am scared.  I call for the Bear, who comes over and licks my face assuringly.  I then realize that I will bleed to death in the field.  I decide to accept it and at that moment, my body begins to sink into the dampened soil and I am subsumed.  I am still conscious.  I feel the soil, the land, and have awareness.  I experience downpours of rain that awaken new life in the seeds.  I feel the collective grains push forth new shoots and I warm myself in the sunlight that feeds them.  I am lifted higher as the plants gain new height and I ripple in the wind that shakes them.  I am gathered up and harvested, ground, eaten, and returned to the Earth.  I lay once more in the soil when I feel my human body collect itself and rise up out of the mud.  My Lord, Frey, is reaching out to me and lifts me  up.  I am covered in earth and blood and rain.  I look upon His face and begin to understand that He *is* the land.  Through this experience–through Frey, I feel sorrow, ecstasy, and wonder.

“What would you have of me?” I ask him.

“Honor us, the land.  Honor me.”

At that moment, the Bear and I rise up into the sky and drift away and out of Vanaheim.  Our time there was finished.  We will return again.

*End note:  Most of my trance journeys are not as primal? as this one.  Also, I don’t tend to fall in love with deities I’ve never met before!